The above picture is a secion from my daughter’s Kindergarten homework. The instruction was to draw a small blue triangle in the left box. Kendall drew one in the right box (#7) instead. She made a mistake. Whether it was a bad job of me communiating the instructions or a misunderstanding on her part, she "did the wrong thing."
She was devastated that she messed up. She could not erase it, it was like this permanant blemish on this piece of homework. She knew her teacher would see it, she was so afraid of dissapointing her, it started to really get to her.
I tried to explain it was ok, we could scratch it out and try again, "But daddy it’s wrong!” she cried. (This suddenly feels like a teachable moment - my daddy-senses kick in).
I tried to explain the value of mistakes, that they sound like a bad this but it is aferall how we learn. We try, we screw up, we learn from it, improve, and get better. The goal is not to ever make a mistake, it is to not make the same mistakes repeatedly. Maybe we should read our instructions more carefully next time, not assume, or reread the instructions before beginning our work.
After a little talk on the value of mistakes (that I'm honestly not sure really got through to her), what do you know? We moved onto box #7 and read those instructions. That box, this time, wanted her to draw a picure using two circles and one triangle.
We thought about how we could incorporate that triangle that was already there into a new picture. Maybe, just maybe, the previous mistake could be part of the next solution?
I said to her that the triangle she already drew looked a little like a nose. To which she responded, “Like a cat! I can use two circles for eyes and then draw whiskers and ears."
What a moment this was to witness. Not only as a dad but as an educator, and as a member or leader of a team and/or organization.
After she finished drawing the picture, I asked her if she thought we would have ever come up with a cat for that answer. In other words, if she had not of “messed up” in the first place, what would we have come up with?
There's honestly no way or really knowing but she admitted she probably would not have come up with a cat and had no clue what her other option would have been.
The point being…
There are times (lots of them perhaps) when what seems like a mistake, an irreversible screw up that can not be erased in the moment, not only can be a solution, but often one with way more creativity than what you would have initially imagined.
It can take us places we did not know existed. She was able to turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’. Not only was this not the end of the road, it was not a failure, in was in fact, an opportunity fo ranother way. Perhaps even a better way.
This may be the most valuable lesson she has had all year. Hell, it may be the best lesson I have had so far this year.
They key is not to focus on what we can not erase or what we can no longer control. Rather, focus on what we can create out of what we have, even if what we have was not supposed to be there in the first place.
Play the hand you have, even if it is full of blue triangles in the wrong box.
